Member-only story
I’ve Become Allergic to Being Present With Myself
As I explore this harshness, I gently return to relaxing in my Being
In the spirit of aligning to the theme of Gentleness Ambassadors publication, I’m beginning to notice what’s harsh to me in my life. This morning, on the 9th day of my social media break from Facebook and Instagram, I realize that I’ve become too addicted to scrolling on my phone.
I feel a need to check for notifications either out of boredom or panic, just in case I miss an important message. I use my phone to entertain me when my kids take an incredibly long time to finish their meals. At night in my bedroom, I check my phone in the dark with my right hand, while I twist my left hand over to gently pat my 4-year-old son to sleep beside me.
It seems that I’ve run out of patience in being fully present with my kids, especially with my youngest child. Yet, even in my kid-free mornings, I scroll my phone as a form of entertainment, to celebrate my glorious me-time.
It doesn’t feel so freeing to me now as I type out my observations.
Taking slow and deep breaths, I allow my presence to immerse more deeply in me. Noticing this discordant warmth, settling uncomfortably on my sternum.
“It’s okay. You can rest. I don’t have to move with you.” I told this cloud of nervous prickles.
It started to sigh deeply, making its fluffy bed right in the middle of my chest, and sleep.
I think I’ll follow along and take a short nap now. 😊
